Purist 6. Under Dog 7.

Mission 1. Hook up with someone as old as my mom (54) and as young as my sister (20) in a month.

I swore to myself that I was going to treat this blog more honestly than I have treated anything in my life. If things come up that are embarrassing, hurtful or put me in a bad light, they need to be presented as honestly as possible. For this to have a therapeutic effect, it is necessary for all walls to come down. Rob Lowe must reveal himself.

So, being true to that philosophy, I'm going to write about something I'm not particularly proud of. Last night, I measured my penis for the first time.

The evening went something like this: I was watching Lost with some friends and after a few beers there was a debate between who was better hung, the black guy or the Korean guy. Seemed academic to me, but there were strong arguments for both sides. But in the end, common sense prevailed and the black guy was proclaimed the authoritative winner.

From there, the conversation naturally flowed to our own members, and how they stacked up against the aforementioned characters. The funny thing is out of six guys in the room, Mr. Rob Lowe was the only one who could not accurately gauge his length (although It was a safe bet he was bigger than the Korean dude). Everyone else could spout their measurements instantaneously. And when I was asked, no one believed I had never put ruler to flesh. They thought I was hiding something. Was I?

So I asked around a few other friends at the bar later on. Let me first say if the subject doesn’t come up naturally, it’s hard to just scream, “Have you ever measured your cock?” over AC/DC. But, that’s exactly what I did. In my informal poll, everyone I spoke to had measured it at least once. Some even had their girlfriends do it. I had no other choice. I went home and got out my Westcott.

The stainless-steel ruler was in hand, my member was cooperating and I was ready to go. But wait, do I measure it from the top or bottom? I decided to measure both ways to see if it was the same. I gained an inch from the bottom, which made me happy but I wanted to do this the right way.

So naturally, I went online and Googled, “how to measure your cock.” Surprisingly, there are two schools of thought. First, I call the Purists; they do it from the top and think that is the only accurate measure. Then, there are the Underdogs, people who claim the penis begins at the taint, so it should be measured as such. Confused, I called my friend at 3 a.m. to ask for advice. He hung up.

So as it stands, Rob Lowe has a Purist 6 and Underdog 7. To think I was the only man in the country to never measure may be a stretch. But now being on the other side, I feel like I am in the majority. I wonder how big the other Rob Lowe is?