Rob Lowe's Makeover

Mission 1. Hook up with someone as old as my mom (54)and as young as my sister (20) in a month.
Mission 2. Live a completely gay lifestyle (without the gay sex) for a month.

I’m gay. Well, not really (just practicing). But, I will embrace the gay lifestyle for all it’s worth. Otherwise, I’ll just be a frat boy in hot pants who has learned nothing from this mission. Nobody wants that. No, for this to provide me some catharctic release from years as living as Rob Lowe’s second-in-command, I must take away more from this month than a hairless and perfectly chiseled chest.

So, be it for anal or method reasons, I thought I would start where I’m sitting and spruce things up around the old blogstead. I had a few friends design a new template and color scheme. Considering this month’s mission, I thought the new palette was on point. Besides, the lime background was sooo yesterday.

I’m also going to come out to my parents. I’ve been a bit pissed at them lately and I thought this would be fun. Call it Tom Green on allegory, whatever. All I know is they’re getting a call this weekend, from their "gay" son.

Anyway, a bunch of people have told me how much this whole chest waxing action is going to hurt. I fucking hate discomfort and really tried to get out of it. I asked Daniel if I could just shave my chest. He just gave me one of his looks and said, "Puhleez, that’s what straight guys do." You can't argue with a gay guy when he plays the "Puhleez” card.

Then, I had a great epiphany. I realized that if I had to argue against something that was next to necessary within the gay community, then I wasn't giving my all to this mission. I just needed to trust my instincts, for better or for worse, and truly get into character. That's why I was having such a hard time the past week, I did not fully embrace what I was about to become, a gay guy (without the gay sex).

So I’ll pop some aspirin (thanks Indie in Summer), drink a shitload of tequila (thanks Jenni), bite my lip and endure the pain. Because when the wax settles, I’m going to be fucking hot, and all you gay guys are going to want a piece of me.

This will surely be the most character-building and eye-opening month of my entire month. Watch out West Hollywood. Here comes Rob Lowe.