AFC

Mission 1. Hook up with someone as old as my mom (54) and as young as my sister (20) in a month.
Mission 2. Live a completely gay lifestyle (without the gay sex) for a month.
Mission Three: Live without an apartment for a month.
Mission Four: Reconnect.
Mission Four: Re-take the SATs.

The Circle Bar was chock full of MAWs, wanna-be goth chicks, beach barbies and the occasional Ice Princess. But as interesting as I found the zestful surroundings, I wasn't on the lookout for a girl. I was out to meet a boy.

That's because I finally figured out the mission. Something that would make me comfortable and add an additional dimension to the happenings. And, no, I'm not trying to pick up guys. But I wouldn't rule that out for future missions. You've gotta keep your options open, right?

Have I lost you yet? Well, for those few that are still around, here's the essence of things. I do ok with the ladies. I don't really want to go into the reasons why, but suffice it to say that me picking up girls is different than a 40-year-old chubby guy with pocky skin and a receding hairline. It is also different than an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump), who is defined in "The Game" as "a stereotypical nice guy who has no pickup skills or understanding of what attracts woman; a man who tends to engage in supplicative and wimpy patterns of behavior around woman he has not yet slept with."

I am not an AFC. No matter how much of an inferiority complex I tend to give off, one thing's for sure; The powers in the universe have endeared me with many splendid offerings to prevent such a term ever being used in my reference.

So last night I went out to find that guy. Not the ugly, strange guy who creepily lurks in the corner and still wears leather blazers. No, I was looking for the caterpiller to eat holes through the lollipop and sausage and cheeseblock. the caterpillar that would one day blossom into the butterfly. I would be the lollipop and sausage. He would be my student and together we would create the chrysallis.

Ok, so maybe I'm being too metaphorical (and a little homoerotic) but the bottom line is this; I will read, absorb and train a student in the ways of seduction, ways that I need to learn myself. I will wing a man with all my might. I will transform a man through the ability to manipulate and seduce a woman.

This is not something that can be done overnight, so I am not holding myself to a arbitrary 30-day period. My goal is to train my student to get five F-closes (PUA term for screwing)in however long it takes.

Last night, I found the man among men. He was neither attractive, nor unattractive. He was average. I watched him operate, he was needy and approached the woman all wrong. Most of the time it was from behind and he tended to lurk a bit (big no-no's among pick-up artists). He was frustrated, and based on the body language of the women he approached, he was a chump. Fucking perfect.

I named him Cali. It seems all PUAs have a nickname or handle. There's Mystery, Neil Strauss as Style and Grimble. Cali was a great name, but I realized I needed one for myself. So, I'm hoping one of you could help me on this one. I need a PUA nickname.

So that's it, the mission in a nutshell. It all works out for the best. I will be teacher and wingman. It's all about Rob Lowe, bringing people together, right?

It's gonna be a great new year.