Hatin'

Mission 1. Hook up with someone as old as my mom (54) and as young as my sister (20) in a month.
Mission 2. Live a completely gay lifestyle (without the gay sex) for a month.
Mission Three: Live without an apartment for a month.
Mission Four: Reconnect.
Mission Five: Re-take the SATs.
Mission Five: Become a PUA (Pick Up Artist) and wing Cali to 5 F-closes.

I never wanted to be pissy on this blog. I always thought I would practice positivity, it would be the one venue in my life where the negative would be overruled. However, I've had something on my mind since the Super Mega Game that I just can't shake. It is rocking me to my very core and I need to get it off my chest... I need to vent.

I hate Jimmy Fallon.

It began a while ago. I found him to be a strange talentless egomaniac that looks like he's had a million face lifts and peels. Generally, I get along with those sort of people, living in LA and everything. But I think he has what Simon refers to as the "X factor," but in a really bad way. The Pepsi commercial continually sends me over the top. Seriously. I used to love Parker Posey. I used to imagine a million different ways to violate her. But her "epileptic car dancing" has changed all that.God, I yearn for the days of Henry Fool. It was a much simpler time for sexual fantasy.

Anyway, I may be taking a bit of a break and get out of this town. I got a call today at the high point of my Fallon rage and there's a good chance I will be on a plane to New York and maybe some other places.

A friend asked if I wanted to go to the Olympics. No fucking shit. I asked myself, WWRLD? Well guess what? I've never been to Europe. I've never seen the Olympics. I've never really taken a chance on something so fucking spontaneous. I still have some money left over from my 30th so I might just take him up on it. I love chicks with mustaches. And carbs.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I will be back in a week or so, depending on my luck with the NY or Italian women. I'm just waiting to see if my friend comes through. It's all on him now. I'm fucking in. I already purchased a hockey ticket for Tuesday. That was the easy part, the plane, that's another story. Almost 4k. There goes my New Years resolution.

Wish me luck. This is the craziest thing I've done in a while. But I am starting to worry that I am entering a 30ish comfort zone, and I need to experience life before my complacency gets the best of me.

By the way, if you masturbate on a plane is that considered the "Mile High Club?" I think self-sex is the only way for me to join, and I'd like to check it off my list.

Happy trails. Tomorrow, I'm on a plane. Hope I don't see Fallon in NY.