Vote for your Favorite Ex-Virgin

Mission 1. Hook up with someone as old as my mom (54) and as young as my sister (20) in a month.
Mission 2. Live a completely gay lifestyle (without the gay sex) for a month.
Mission Three: Live without an apartment for a month.
Mission Four: Reconnect.
Mission Five: Re-take the SATs.
Mission Five: Become a PUA (Pick Up Artist) and wing Cali to 5 F-closes.

I may like Georgia O'Keefe, but I love Ryan Seacrest. He’s so soft and lovable, especially when he shines those baby browns at me in the Cingular store. There is only us in the world. And now, in the spirit of bonded metrosexuality, I offer the following homage in dialogue, “The lines are now open.” Now, if I could only get a better haircut and bad religion jeans, I would be set.

First let me say, I could read virginity stories all day. I think Saturday, I did. But unfortunately, we need to get down to voting. Use the poll to on the right side of the homepage to vote for your favorite deflowerment story. From college dorms to sore vaginas to pen knives, we've got a story for just about every taste. So eat up!

I'm about to go get some meds. Basketball is killing me again. The bruised rib feels better on the left side. Maybe its because the bruised rib on the right hurts so much worse. I could barely sleep last night through all the pain. But I was informed that three advils + two tylenol gelcaps=crazy delicious.

I'm also a bit sad about one of my favorite players leaving the game. Jimmy, a soft-core porn star (actually, he only made one) played his final game with me last night. He's 70 and is off to Florida to spend time with his 90-year-old mother. It was very endearing. I knew it was the last time I would ever see him. Life just ticks away.

The yang of Jimmy leaving happened Thursday night in Hollywood. It was truly the highlight of my short-lived career as a PUA. I even changed my blogger picture to a memorable moment of internal joy from that night. If you can't see the splendor in my eyes, I'll recount it to you in the coming days. Suffice it to say that I brought my A-game face-to-face with Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive. I owe it all to the power of the neg.

I'll keep the voting open for a few days, but it can't be forever. I know there are anxious ex-virgins waiting for this brilliant brass-plated collectible to pin on their lapel. Already, the price has risen to $4 for buy-in-now on eBay.

So vote, vote, vote, and as soon as I piece together the details in my head from Thursday night, I'll share them. It was truly a night to remember.

Bye Jimmy.